Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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