Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
