at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
