oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
