I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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