i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
