I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
