Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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