Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
