I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
