You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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