You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
