So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
