Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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