i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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