i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
