You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
