omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
