you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
