Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
