You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
