I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
