I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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