I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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