video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize