Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
