I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
