She said her name was "party"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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