my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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