at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
