I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
