Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
