I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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