Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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