I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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