Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
