I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
