Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
