Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
