the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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