Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me I should be a condom model.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
