its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
FUCK WHALES
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