He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
