totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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