He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
