Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
