wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
