apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
