I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
