Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my being single is dangerous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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