Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
