I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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