i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
