Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
