Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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