We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
