Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
