Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
