I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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