This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
