if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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