dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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