Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
bring money and cleavage
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
