hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
