If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
