Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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