it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
