five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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