also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
