Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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