So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
