Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
